I felt like a lamb going to the slaughter as I headed to St. Mark's Hospital on the morning of October 19th. This was a day I looked forward to and a day I dreaded all wrapped up together. I knew I needed the knee replacement surgery, but I sure didn't want to go forward with it.
When going through something traumatic like surgery, it is easy to think negatively - i.e: Why me? I've already had three major surgeries since moving to Utah, so why again? Haven't I had my share of trials? Life isn't fair! I deserve a break from trials.
In reality, when going through traumatic situations, it is important to think more positively. This allows for better emotional, physical, and spiritual growth. I've been contemplating making this post for days as I have waivered back and forth between pity for my situation and gratitude for the blessings along the way.
I have entitled this post "On The Bright Side" because as I list some of the negative things that occurred, I want to counter-act the negative with positive blessings that occurred, or in other words, look on the bright side of things.
According to schedule, I was released from the hospital just a few hours after my surgery to go home for the recovery process. [I got to take this cool "ice therapy machine" home with me. It has worked out great with the swelling and pain management.]
My knee is pretty swollen post surgery
I was really hoping that I wouldn't have any complications this time around. I had blood clots in my lungs after my 2nd hip replacement surgery and I had a "bleed" in my knee after my arthroscopic meniscus repair surgery last March. I was ready to go home and have a normal recovery period. Unfortunately, that didn't happen!!!
Negative Experience #1 - Two days after this surgery, I started having some of the same symptoms I had with my 2nd hip replacement - low oxygen levels and an extreme amount of pain. Even though I was taking my pain medication on schedule, I could not stay on top of the pain. It was more than I could bear, and my oxygen levels were in the dangerous zone (roughly averaging 71% - 83%). If your O2 levels drop below 90%, it is a concern. I was fearful that I had blood clots in my lungs again even though I was taking Eloquis to prevent them.
Although I did not feel strong enough to even get in the car for the trip to the ER, with Alan's help, I forced myself to do so. I'm so glad I did.
After many tests, it was determined that I did not have blood clots this time around, for which I was very grateful, but they did need to admit me into the hospital in order to keep an eye on my oxygen levels, which remained unstable.
On the bright side - although I really wanted to be home in my own bed being taken care of by my husband, I knew I was in good hands with the doctors and nurses at the hospital. I was grateful for their care and concern for me.
Negative Experience #2 - One morning while undergoing physical therapy at the hospital, I had a horrible experience. The physical therapist seemed brutal and uncaring for the amount of pain he was inflicting upon me. I have been treated by many different physical therapists. Most have been gentle and caring, but this one didn't care how much pain I was in and pushed me beyond my limit and I could not hold back the "ugly cry" - big gasping sobs - that took over my body as crocodile tears ran down my face. It was very embarrassing, but was beyond my control. On the bright side, I know that he had my best interests in mind. He realizes how important it is to get maximum movement in the knee. If I don't get movement in my knee, my surgeon will need to put me under to force my knee to bend and break up the scar tissue in what is called a "manipulation". I sure hope it doesn't come to that.
After two nights in the hospital, it was determined that I still needed skilled nursing services, so I was admitted into Draper Rehabilitation & Care Center. I was transported there in a van, not an ambulance. The wheelchair I left the hospital in was safely secured inside the van. Getting into and out of the van was very uncomfortable for me because I couldn't bend my knee very well and the guy transporting me wasn't being very careful to ensure a pain-free ride.
Negative Experience #3 - After the short drive from Lone Peak Hospital to the Rehab Center, I was wheeled into my assigned room. A nurse came to check me in and have me sign a few papers. The nurse told me that she was going to go get me some water and would return shortly. That didn't happen! I was abandoned and left sitting in my wheelchair next to my bed for about 45 minutes. My knee was throbbing and all I wanted to do was climb into the bed and try to find a comfortable position. I felt so alone and didn't know what to do. I knew that there was no way that I could get myself into the bed, so I waited and waited. Finally, growing tired of waiting, I pushed the button to summon the nurse. Eventually, someone came and I asked for help getting into my bed.
Shortly after that, Alan arrived with some personal items from home that I would need during my stay at the center. I mentioned my abandonment to him and how uncomfortable it was for me. After complaining to a staff member and threatening to leave, we were swarmed by staff willing to bend over backwards to help us out. On the bright side - this was proof that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I was well taken care of from that point on. I'm grateful that we spoke up.
Negative Experience #4 - Besides being abandoned and not feeling welcome at the Rehab Center, the place had the feel of a bad hotel - quite out of date and a bit dreary. I couldn't even reach the light switch above my bed, so a nurse attached a couple of trash bags to the end of the pull string so I could turn the light on and off by myself. On the bright side - things could have been much worse. I was able to have a room of my own, which is a huge plus. It is difficult to sleep with several interruptions during the night, but that problem would have been compounded if I had needed to share my room with another patient. I was very grateful to have a room of my own.
The picture below was taken as we were leaving the facility so the bed isn't made, but it gives you an idea of what the room looked like.
Negative Experience #5 - My room was FREEZING cold most of the time, but On the bright side - I was given an extra blanket to curl up with to help stay warm. I was so grateful for that!
Negative Experience #6 - I ended up staying at the facility for four nights. This was way longer than I anticipated. I felt ready to go home a day earlier, but couldn't get my release papers done in time to leave that day. On the bright side, because of the continued skilled nursing help that I received, I was able to finally get in and out of bed myself, use the restroom on my own, maintain proper oxygen levels, and feel well enough to go home and feel confident in my ability to take proper care of myself (with help from Alan, of course).
Negative Experience #7 - Not once during my 6-day stay at the hospital or the Rehab Center was I offered even a spit bath, let alone a shower by a staff member. With Alan's help, I was able to wash up at the bathroom sink on day 4, but that's definitely not as good as a full-body shower. By the time I returned home, I was so anxious to be able to shower and finally wash my hair. I know I looked really bad. On the bright side, I felt like a new woman once I got home and was able to shower and do my hair. It's amazing how good it feels to get cleaned up. I have always taken daily showers for granted. Now I cherish them and feel grateful to be able to take a shower whenever I want to.
While I was in the rehab center, Alan spent one day shopping for and installing a hand-held shower system for me so I could sit and comfortably shower myself. The shelves are adjustable so when I no longer need to sit to shower, the shelves can be raised to a proper, comfortable level.
Although much of my post-surgery experience seemed very negative, thankfully I was able to stop and look on the bright side of things. Things don't always go our way. I think God allows that to happen so that we will turn our thoughts to Him - He who is watching and waiting for us to exercise our faith in him. He can make much more out of us that we can make out of ourselves. We grow much stronger physically and spiritually as we lean on Him for help and turn our lives over to him.
My Facebook friend, Diana Fletcher, posted this picture on her wall today. It really made me think about how I sometimes do want to write my own story. I want things to turn out a certain way or I want my prayers answered a certain way. That's not how the Lord operates. He, and only he, knows what's best for me and how to help me to become my best self. I really need to trust the author of my story. Letting go and letting God make of me what he will is hard, but I must have full faith and trust in him that all will be well and when he's done sculpting me, I will be much better off for it.
Recovery from this surgery will be a long process. It has been just over two weeks since my surgery. I'm not pain free, I'm not getting as much movement in my knee as I would like, and I'm still struggling to get around, but I am now starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was told, and it's true, that the first two weeks are the hardest. It has been much harder than I ever thought it would be, but this current race for better health is a marathon - not a sprint. It will take months to recover. I must take things slowly. Slow and steady wins the race.
