I have an identical twin sister. We grew up thinking (and telling everyone else) that we were fraternal twins because that's what the doctor told my parents when we were born. He said we were fraternal because there were two placentas. It wasn't until we were about 50 years old that we discovered (through a DNA test) and our suspicions were confirmed, that we are 99.9% positively identical. No wonder people couldn't tell us apart. Even our own children would mistake us for each other on occasion.
Having experienced growing up as a twin, I have some advice that I would like to pass on to parents of twins.
1 - Let your twins have their own identity. Our mother always dressed us alike. Sometimes our clothing was of a different color, but the style was always identical. I accepted it up to a point, but I wanted my own identity. Eventually, I would change into a different outfit if Jane put on something that was identical to what I was wearing. I realize it is cute (especially at a young age) to dress twins alike, and that is fine. I only had problems with it as I grew older...like nine or ten years old. Let the twins have a choice whether to dress alike or not.
2 - Don't make your twins share everything. There is no getting around the fact that they will share the same birthday, but my twin and I had to share everything. One birthday we got a bicycle to share and one Christmas we received one pair of ice skates. Sharing these items is difficult because we wanted to ride or skate together, not take turns. Money was limited in our family so we understood that my parents couldn't afford to give us everything they wanted to, but none of our 5 other siblings ever had to share their bikes or skates. They got their own. I was generally okay with sharing a birthday cake, but sometimes I wondered what it would be like to have my own birthday cake with my very own candles to blow out. We shared the same room and even the same bed until our teenage years. However, the good thing about all this sharing is that we did learn to be unselfish.
3 - Encourage your twins to do things separately once in a while and to pursue separate interests. Some twins are polar opposites, but my twin and I were identical in every way and we were (and still are) very close. We were both very shy and depended on each other maybe a little bit too much. We were basically a crutch for each other. We went to college together and continued to live together until we got married three months apart. We loved doing things together, but it would have been beneficial for us to have learned more independence at an earlier age to prepare us for adulthood. We were like two Popsicle's stuck together until marriage separated us and we found ourselves living 800 miles apart.
Parents, even if you don't follow my suggestions, things will still work out well for your twins. Although our marriages separated us physically, our close bond has remained strong. There is just something unique and special about twins and I feel blessed to have been born the same day as my sister. From creating our own language as toddlers and through our ability to whistle loudly we were always able to communicate well (yes, we communicated with whistles) and get along well with each other. We thrived as we lifted and supported each other when we went through trials and had growing pains. We were ALWAYS there for each other.
Often, I feel that our friendship was formed in heaven before we were born. Maybe we were so close there that Heavenly Father just couldn't separate us or maybe we begged Him to allow us to stay together. If that is true, I am very grateful that He granted us that wish. If not true, I am still grateful for her friendship here. Either way, I know that our bond is for eternity.
Love,
Joan
As toddlers
As Teenagers
As adults
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